'Questionable List of Japanese Shotas Who Are Too Cool For Their Own Good'
a.k.a. goddamn it Japan this is why shotacon is a thing in your country
1. Edogawa Conan
 |
| Who gave you the fucking right |
The fact that Shinichi is really 16 makes this slightly better because goddamn is this kid cool. A deadly combo of boyish charm and intelligent maturity - I mean, physical prowess and sharp intellect. Saving maidens on his skateboard, kicking soccer balls with all the deadly accuracy of bullets, then decoding a centuries old mysterious is all part of a day's work for this tiny detective. My advice? Just don't do crime. Or if you must, don't go through an elaborate set up, save yourself the work because you're done the moment Conan is even in the near vicincity. Guys, smart is the new sexy.
2. Killua Zoldyck
 |
| People have seen worse faces before they die |
This boy gave me all the feels. He's so badass and cute and god he could stab a man with his bare hands right in front of you and and you'd reach out and ruffle his hair. He's cool and he's strong and I'd like him to be my little brother! A little brother who is a professional assassin, who moves at literally godspeeds, can cover himself in lightning, and can do cool tricks with his skateboard! Awww...sometimes I can understand the feelings of the Zoldyck family wanting to keep Killua and that's the truly scary part.
3. Negi Springfield
 |
| I didn't even cheat and use his aged version |
How about you stop being so freaking amazing and transforming yourself into teenage forms while kicking ass? How about you stop being a genius mage, taking several levels of awesome, and show an emotional and mental maturity that does not come from nine years of life? How about you stop being so compassionate to every enemy while bearing the burdens of your own tragic backstory? How about you stop giving amazing kisses that break the laws of the universe? Good thing is the other hundred or so girls in his harem agrees with me.
4. Sarutobi Sasuke
.600.241779.jpg) |
| This isn't after the time skip either goddamn |
Damn straight this kid is better than any other 12 year olds named Sasuke with lightning powers you might know. He's mature, he's cool, and he's totally strong. He started off as a bystander, acting on behalf of Yukimura but as he made promises and took on burdens he grew up. As he rediscovered a lost friend and learned about his past he gained a new family and a new future. Oh also he got really really freaking awesome. The look in his eyes after his fight with Kotarou, if there was any doubt before that, it was gone. I was gone.
5. Aladdin
 |
| Petition for time skipped Aladdin |
He just gets cooler and cooler with his long braid whipping around for badass effect, and now decked out in magician gear. Together with his friends, he's the shining light in a divided world. He's strong and cool with Ugo and without and also absolutely squishable and pick-up-and-hug-to-death-able. I can understand why the white rukh would gather around him. He gives people a warm feelings and his cheeks are just asking to be squished omg. I don't even care anymore, this kid is the kind of person you'd entrust the world to.
Of course no list of 'Top Japanese Elementary Kids Who You'd Want To Carry Out the Reverse Hikaru Genji Plan On' would be perfect without a list of 'Top Reasons Why Japan's Army of Cute Would Be Led By Lolis in Sailor Uniforms'
a.k.a. my moe loli waifu can't be this gamebreakingly overpowered!
1. Takamachi Nanoha
 |
| It's moe because she can destroy you |
We start out with the youngest (mentally) in the list of kid badasses in Japan. She represents all the cute ganbatte moe of magical girl heroines and combines it with the all gamebreaking raw strength of freaking giant mecha. Her pure heart is just as big as the Starlight Breaker she can fire off because that's the strength of hopes and dreams and a S+ mage rank. Either get out of her way or get on her side. (Haha jk you can't avoid Raising Heart) Friendship is a serious and painful business with this little miss badass.
2. Elizabeth Middleford
 |
| Hella. |
Despite being above the true loli age, her childish corkscrews and silly manners definitely make the cut. But there's a reason why Ciel isn't on this list and she is and that reason can be summed up in three words: DUAL FUCKING WIELDING. While Ciel gets to enjoy having a demon of a butler and all its perks, Lizzie is a hidden badass normal supreme. She doesn't need a demon contract to be able to stab zombies in the face, since only a demon would be able to resist her moe tears and cute blushing. Or the twin swords she carries. Have I mentioned she dual wields?
3. Haibara Ai
 |
| Goddess who basically gave the series instant time skips |
You didn't think Conan would be the only shrunken kid to make the list did you? Not only does she have nerves of steel, her brilliant mind is what gave us elementary kids solving murders and handling guns with ease. Although this ice queen is armed with a deadly intellect and a deadlier glare, her rare smiles are the reason why you want all the happiness in the world for her.
4. Evangeline A.K. McDowell
 |
| Fanservice Girl in a Fanservice World |
If everyone in class 3-A were elementary schoolers instead of middle schoolers, this list would be never-ending But a certain vampire trapped in a loli body is one student who does qualify. Although the 'want to make her your waifu' part is debatable, the badass part definitely isn't. She could be calling you 'boya~' with a wicked smile one second, and freezing you in an eternal hell of ice the next. She's probably the ancestor of the True Ancestors in some alternate universe. And this lord of darkness, apostle of destruction, tiding of evil, visitation of woe, puppet master, dreaded vampire, is also known as the master and teacher of the lightning god, the boy genius mage, or number 3 on the first list. We give up.
5. Akemi Homura
 |
| Available in meganekko moe |
While Nanoha is already a fine representative of the fire-power of genki sugar and spice, Homuhomu brings the literal fire-power With things like grenades, pipe bombs and machine guns making the list in her arsenal, this magical girl is having none of that sparkly love and peace crap. Combined with her incredible force of will makes her a little miss badass to contend with. She's cast off her clumsy moe braids and glasses and she's seen hell and she'll see it again. Good luck getting her to be your waifu though, she and Madoka have a thing.
0 comments:
Post a Comment